Canned Laughter

St. Valentine’s Day is a big deal here.  Our first date was on Valentine’s Day twenty-two years ago and we look forward to our special anniversary every year. This year it fell on a Saturday so I decided to prepare something special to surprise Spouse when he came home from work.

I got up early to do the shopping and the cleaning and cooking so that everything would be ready when he came home.  I briefed the kids on the plan.  “When Daddy calls to say he’s on his way home, I want you guys to go over to your cousins’ house to take the twins their birthday presents.  Do not come home until dinner time.”

Totally off topic, but how friggin’ cute are these shirts from Baby Brewing:

Perfect for a pair of two year old terrors!  But, I digress.

The phone rings and Spouse announces that he’s ten minutes away.  I shoo the kids out of the house and trade in my sweats for something slinky,  sky high heels and a frilly apron. I then pose seductively next to the oven with an ice cold martini ready for him.

Oh come on!  Holly over at June Cleaver Nirvana assures me that according to her top google search terms, my hubby is not the only guy with this particular fantasy.  Anywho, there I was saucily stirring dinner on the stove while an appreciative Spouse reaches to give me a big kiss  when …

Ring!  Ring! It’s my son on the phone.  “Hey Ma! They just left and no one is here now. What should I do?” I advised him to put the packages in the mailbox and go hang out at the bookstore for an hour.

Spouse and I attempted to regain the mood. He put on some soft music.  He poured me a glass of wine. We raised our glasses to toast our love and…

Ring! Ring! “Maaahm, the presents won’t fit in the mailbox. Should I just bring them back home?” I snarled something to him about leaving the boxes up on the cousins’ front porch and  I’ll see you at dinnertime.

Spouse attempted to salvage the moment  with flowers, candy and a romantic card. He whispered sweet nothings in my ear.  He drew me close for a passionate embrace…

Ring! Ring! Ring! Ring! I suggested Spouse answer it this time as I wasn’t certain I’d be able to control my temper. “Yes, Bear, I’m sure the boxes will be safe on the porch. Nobody can see them from the street. How about instead of bringing your sister home to get her wallet for the bookstore, you just lend her some money and she pays you back when you get home. Yes, I’m sure you’ll only be a minute, but I’d rather you didn’t come home right now. Yes, we are having some nice grown-up time. Yes, I’ll see you later…”

“Tell him to stop calling!”

“OK, love you too. Have fun at the bookstore, bye bye.”

“Did you tell him to stop calling?

“Um, I’m sure he heard you.  Shall we take our drinks out to the hot tub?”

“Outside? Now?”

“Outside where there’s no phone. Now.”

We had a lovely evening and a good dinner and Spouse fell asleep early, a happy and contented man. And the kids? Each polished off huge boxes of chocolates after coming home late to dinner.

Romance lives.