Ugh. It’s one of those nights. I can’t sleep, my stomach is churning, my thoughts are racing and the rage is just boiling over like a corrosive acid. What brought all this on? Would you believe it all started with a wonderful daydream? There I was lying in bed and something, maybe my gassy dog next to me, reminded me of the stable I frequented as a child.
Most girls go through a phase when they plaster posters of pop stars on their walls. Not me. My walls were covered with horse posters. My bookshelf was crammed with Misty, Black Beauty, Flicka and any other horsey book I could lay my hands on. I filled page after page in my sketchbook with drawings of horses. To say I was horse crazy would be an understatement.
My mother hated horses. My eldest sister feared them. Thankfully, Middle Sister who is five years older than I am, loved horses, too. With our combined nagging ability, we were able to talk our mother into driving us to D Stables twice a week for the next six years. Middle Sister quickly became a darling of the competition team. We both had a knack for jumping and I was excited when it was my chance to compete. That was when I learned Mrs. D.’s dirty secret.
The first day of my official team training, I was shown to Mrs D.’s office where all the girls lined up to stand on a Dr.’s scale to be weighed. When it was my turn, Mrs. D. told me I was too heavy and would not be allowed to mount up until I lost 10 pounds. I was barely eleven years old. I still had my pre-pubescent podge and at 110 pounds I was told I was too fat to do the one thing I loved most in the world. I was sent to muck out the stalls and work off “that disgusting roll”.
After a few weeks it became painfully apparent that I was not going to lose the weight. Middle Sister told me she could help me get down to 89 pounds like her. All I had to do was take a few of the little red pills called Bennys they sold at the stable. I declined.
After a month or two of limited riding access, Mrs. D. told my mother I had a bad attitude. Middle Sister said she was sick of going. She also became sick of going to church, to school, to anywhere she once loved. Mother said no more riding and good riddance. I never told her about the red pills. I wish now that I had.
Tonight I had a lovely daydream that I was on my favorite horse when I was a child. We were in the show ring jumping lightly over the bars and there was no one else to see. For a moment it was glorious.
10 responses so far ↓
1
witchypoo
// Jan 31, 2009 at 12:20 pm
Some of my best memories were of horseback riding too. Mrs. D needed some prosecution.
witchypoos last blog post..Carrot Cake-Better Than Mens?
2
Musings of a Housewife
// Jan 31, 2009 at 12:56 pm
WOW. That is so sad on so many levels.
Musings of a Housewifes last blog post..Pretend I Have A Clever Title
3
Kelly O
// Jan 31, 2009 at 1:09 pm
That is so effed up, man. I sincerely hope our daughters (and sons) turn out less damaged than our parents’ generation, and that we can show our love for and acceptance of little girls instead of tearing them down.
Kelly Os last blog post..Kellygo, The Hungarian, and The Spleen
4
barbra
// Jan 31, 2009 at 4:48 pm
There should be repercussions for any adult “teacher” type who says something like that to a child. That is evil.
5
monstergirlee
// Jan 31, 2009 at 10:00 pm
I hope one day mrs d realized what a horrible person she was, and spent the remainder of her days being nice to everyone, and thinking in her heart - I am so sorry for the little girls who’s hearts I broke.
One can hope?
monstergirlees last blog post..Piles of Junk
6 Shannabanana // Feb 1, 2009 at 11:47 am
I was a horse lover too as a child, my wall was covered with pictures of quarterhorses and I read black beauty probably a hundred times. I am so sorry someone squashed your dreams.
Shannabananas last blog post..In need of retail therapy and my prescription is Coach…
7
Green Girl
// Feb 2, 2009 at 11:00 am
This post made me sad. I was never much of a horse girl, but I had friends just like you.
Green Girls last blog post..signed, sealed, delivered
8
Sadge
// Feb 2, 2009 at 6:34 pm
Oh, that’s horrible for both of you girls. And such a sad connection to your horse-crazy memories. I was horse crazy too - lots of drawings, all of Walter Farley’s Black Stallion books. I’d fight my grandma’s old farm horse out to the farthest corner of the pastures, then turn it around for a wild ride back to the barn.
Sadges last blog post..More on Chicken Coop Construction
9
Rachel
// Feb 3, 2009 at 9:34 pm
So sad. I am sorry to hear that happened to you and your sister. I pray that my daughter does not face something like that and that if she does she is brave enough to share it with me so we can work it out.
Bless that little girl with dreams of competing.
Rachels last blog post..Rose Patine crochet cotton washcloth and Spa Facial Scrubby, washcloth is pretty shells design
10
Janet
// Feb 6, 2009 at 2:14 pm
That is very sad and someone needs to go get Mrs. D and beat her with a saddle. I wonder how many other girls she permanently damaged?
Janets last blog post..Snow Days
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