Have you heard about the new Joe Namath movie? Broadway Joe, my adolescent fantasy who even looked macho in pantyhose is going to be played by ack! Jake Gyllenhaal. I am appalled. I’m sure Mr. Gyllenhaal is a very talented actor (unlike my hunky Joe-remember CC & Company? Yeah. Nobody does.) but Mr. Gyllenhaal is not…how can I say this kindly?…shall we just say physically believable as a 1960s football hero. I contend that the incredibly shrinking male of today can not possibly compare to the beefcake of my youth. But you be the judge:
Broadway Beefcake Namath
vs.
Jake But-I’m-Very-Talented Gyllenhaal.
OK, maybe I’m not being fair comparing football players to actors. Let’s take a look at the current Mr. Hollywood quarterback du jour,
Tony I-Dated-A-Mouseketeer Romo:
Mm hm. ‘Nuff said.
Of course it wasn’t just the athletes who were mucho meaty macho back in the day. What about top forty heartthrob Tom Jones? Although I never contemplated marrying him (I was already promised to George Harrison), I do believe his chest hair brought on more early puberty than all the hormone laced milk in America.
Behold:
Tom Tight Trouser Jones
vs. todays tabloid heart throb,
John I-Dated-The-Same-Mouseketeer Mayer.
Alas, even the movies are awash in miniature manicured men. What ever happened to brilliant actors like a certain third place finisher in the Mr. Universe competition who you might know as Bond. James Bond.
Yeouch! Sean Connery is so hot, my fingers are burning!
And just who do they have the nerve to put up as today’s Bond?
AhWooGah!
Never mind. I stand corrected. Well played, Mr. Craig. Well played.
15 responses so far ↓
1
Jen on the Edge
// Jul 3, 2008 at 6:16 am
Daniel Craig added 20 pounds of muscle to play 007, so I’m guessing Jake G. could do something similar to play Joe Namath. That said, Daniel Craig is WAY hotter.
2
HRH
// Jul 3, 2008 at 8:14 am
This is so classic and true. OMG. You are on to something here. I am going to take a cold shower now…
3
Green Girl
// Jul 3, 2008 at 8:15 am
YOU are a funny, funny woman. And yeah, like you, I don’t GET the whole Jake G. thing. Sure he’s talented, but he looks like Opie’s slightly older cousin from Ohio.
4
Leslie
// Jul 3, 2008 at 8:16 am
My favorite 007 will always be Pierce Brosnan…and to think I was on Kauai in December on the north side and that is where he lives. Why did we not see him?!
However, Sean Connery about 10 years ago….sizzling! I think it is the accents
5
Traci Anne
// Jul 3, 2008 at 8:58 am
I think Jake can handle it - but yeah, this whole trend of pansy men isn’t… exciting. (I can’t think of a better word!)
That said, Colin Firth and Johnny Depp are my number one mancrushes for-ev-ah and are timeless.
6
Nancy
// Jul 3, 2008 at 9:15 am
You nailed it, dead on.
and indeed ^5 to Daniel Craig … doable!
7
Ree
// Jul 3, 2008 at 9:40 am
“I contend that the incredibly shrinking male of today can not possibly compare to the beefcake of my youth. ”
Yep. yep. yep.
There are some exceptions - and most of the commenters rightly identified them…but yes, I agree we have a generation of ‘incredibly shrinking males’. Sigh. So sad.
8
Hottdog
// Jul 3, 2008 at 12:46 pm
I get what you’re saying about the heart throbs of today.
But I must at all angles defend my lover-Mr. Jake Gyllenhaal.
He’ll beef up for the movie just like he did for Jarhead. Don’t worry. My Jakey will prevail!
9
blackbird
// Jul 3, 2008 at 7:17 pm
You had me going there…I was actually going to defend the newest Mr. Bond.
10
monstergirlee
// Jul 3, 2008 at 10:53 pm
Totally have to agree with you on all of these, ahhh wimpy men. John Mayer?!?!? Gives me the creeps! Jake Gyllenhall - boy next door, brother type, not boyfriend.
And daniel craig - oh la la! my fave 007 since Sean.
11
Jennifer H
// Jul 4, 2008 at 1:38 am
Like blackbird, I was ready to throw down in defense of Daniel Craig!
But, otherwise? You have a point.
12
Hen
// Jul 4, 2008 at 3:30 am
I just loved the first photo - he looked so camp - although his sandals are so ‘this season’!
For me, Mr Craig lacked irony….a Bond essential!
13
Angie
// Jul 4, 2008 at 10:22 am
Broadway Joe! I remember, I remember. Yea…what’s up with the shrinking men of today? ang
14
Jess
// Jul 4, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Awesome new digs!!
I love the title of that magazine: Strength and Health. Exclusive of one another, it seems.
PS: watch your email.
15
Janet
// Jul 7, 2008 at 8:10 am
Indeed. I just wish I hadn’t seen all the beefcake first thing in the morning. (And I mean the beefcake from our generation - Sean Connery will ALWAYS be on my list.) And you didn’t mention him, but if they’re trying to promote Shia LeBeouf (and what’s up with THAT pouffy name?) as a replacement Indiana Jones - AINT GONNA HAPPEN!!!!!! Harrison Ford has still got it, and when he retires, the character needs to retire too.
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